Aku Sebatang Pensil

In all my post primary school life, I'd never thought those stupid essay titles would ever resurface.

For those non-Malaysians who read my blog and need some help understanding the mild hate I have for the above sentence, 'Aku sebatang pensil' translates into 'I am a pencil'. And the reason that the title of today's dose of Nat-psychobabble will be met with choked snorts (and if I'm lucky, some orange juice up the nose) by my fellow UPSR educated amigos, is because these were the bog standard, and occasionally dreaded, titles for essays when we were a little littler than we are now. 

Other popular choices were 'Aku sekuntum mawar' (I am a rose) or 'Aku sekaki payung' (I am an umbrella - also how impressed are you that I remembered it was 'sekaki' and not 'sebatang'?) or 'Aku sebuah layang-layang' (I am a kite) or whatever other object our bored teachers laid eyes on while brainstorming for titles to dish out for homework. 

The basic idea of these sort of titles was to have us write an autobiography of sorts written from the inanimate object's point of view. Yes, you read that right. An autobiography from the day the poor, unknowingly doomed object was first picked out by it's soon to be negligent owner in a store because of its shiny coat of paint or its vivid red petals, up until the day that it gets inevitably forgotten, replaced, lost or mistreated (I remember writing one about a car that got crashed). 

Why the sob story? 

I have no clue. I think it was because with the literary prowess an 8 year old had to work with, emotional trauma was a bestseller. And to be completely fair to the 8 year old, if they lived in a house that was permanently tuned in to Wa Lai Toi or Drama Minggu Ini or ANY Tamil soap, I can see why they'd think that. 

I digress, as per usual. 

I only bring it up because I have just recently lost (hopefully only misplaced) the white gold anklet mumsie bought for me for my 19th birthday. Needless to say, it has sentimental value. In my earlier distress, misery gave way to momentary hysteria and I think I just pictured what that essay might have looked like if it was 'I am an anklet'. Only because (if it IS lost to the world) I can only imagine two possibilities:

1. It came off as I was walking around, and is now draped around some... other ankle that isn't as comfortable as mine (what? I'd like to think that I had a comfy ankle). 

OR

2. It's come off in the shower, to be sucked down the pipes into the Tartarus we label 'sewage'. 

I'm not sure which outcome I'd be less miserable about. 

"Aku sebuah rantai kaki. Aku tak pernah dinamakan, hanya diberitahu bahawa aku dihasilkan di Italy dan dihadiahkan kepada tuanku sebagai hadiah hari jadi dari ibunya. Tiga tahun aku hidup bahagia, dibawa merantau dunia oleh tuanku. Pemandangan dari aras kaki tuanku tidaklah sehebat pemandangan yang dinikmati oleh saudaraku rantai leher, tetapi aku cukup gembira. 

Tetapi kebahagianku ditakdir berakhir awal apabila mangkuk ayun bodoh yang aku namakan tuanku TAK SEDAR bahawa aku tidak lagi hidup sekililing buku lali dia sehingga TIGA HARI selepas saya dilupakan/terbiar/tenggelam dalam tab mandinya. 

Tak guna punya manusia."

How I managed to get an A in Bahasa I will never know. 

Puan Lau, if you ever read that, I apologise profusely.

nk.